January 28, 2008

Family?

What is the difference between the love you experience for your parents and the romantic love you experience for your life-partner? Does only the physical aspect make it different?

31 comments:

c e e d y said...

Are you in cohoots with Ekta Kapoor??? I see the guygirl torn between this question....booohoo

Solitaire said...

Actually my blogger friend Pavi wants to know the answer to this question....:)

Pavi!!!! said...

Thanks Sneha...for posting this ..

@ ceedy - Hmm..Thinking how to word this rite...I was wondering wat is the difference between romantic love(the kind shared between bf/hubby $ gf/wife) vs the love one has for Best friends, parents etc....Is the feeling all same except for the physical aspect?

Keshi said...

I dun think there's any difference in the dimension of love for both. Only the 'kind' of love differs.

Keshi.

:: Clouds :: said...

Oh yes! ?There's a lot of difference.
You can get divorced from your spouse but you'd never want a divorce from your parents,would you?

The reason,why,erm..well,i'll tell you after I get married. And that'd be in 8-10 years.
;)

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi, so are you saying we love them equally?

@ clouds, I have heard many people saying that they wish that they could divorce their parents. Its not only about the legality, is it?

Pavi!!!! said...

@ keshi - "kind" of love differs?
what are the different kinds of love? Isn't love a feeling towards a person..the amount of warmth, care n likeness towards a person?

@clouds - divorce I assume imples sepration. N divorce tho it is never used in other contexts can happen in any relationship parent-child or hubby-wife or 2 best friends.
n well dear i have been married for over a year n hvn't found the answer..So, wish u luck :-) !

@solitare - No, Divorce is definetly not about the legality.

:: Clouds :: said...

@Solitaire and Pavi
Yeah maybe i was talking about legality...

I can perhaps answer this when I find the 'love of my love'.
;)
:P

Keshi said...

hey Pavi :)

**what are the different kinds of love? Isn't love a feeling towards a person..the amount of warmth, care n likeness towards a person?

yes Love is a feeling towards a person but there r different kinds of love. u cant love ur husband the same way u love ur father. The love between a husband and a wife is expressed in much more different ways than a Love between a father and a daughter is expressed. U know wut I mean? :)


Keshi.

c e e d y said...

@solitaire
ok

@pavi and solitaire

honestly the love for a friend or parents or siblings is higher form of love - as it has no expectations many a times for reciprocation....you do it just out of LOVE....

in a relationship - it somehow withers away....its possible to have that same feeling - but both have to work towards it...which is many a times rare

another point - once intimacy seeps in - it brings in a set of issues - affection, insecurities sometimes....that overpower love

these are just my tots...

c e e d y said...

did not know where to comment so did it here -

the poll - it has to be more specific....

is it professional, relationship, family....who is making that mistake...

and what about the one who makes the mistake - shld he/she seek forgiveness....or simply let it be or give it all up thinking that that mistake will ruin the other person (this is more relationship based)

Solitaire said...

Once again, the poll is Pavi's brainwave so we need to ask her what she is looking for.

carolinagal said...

I think that this question is not that simple to answer.
I think that there is no difference in the feeling 'LOVE' per se, however there is a HUGE difference in the other feelings associated with love in the two different relationships.

The love that your parents have for you is accompanied by restrictions, protectiveness and nurture.

When two individuals are involved in a romantic relationship, their love may not come with the the aforementioned nouns. Instead, that love is accompanied by feelings of wanting to reproduce, to create a new family, to become one. And yes, the physical aspect is a very important part of this love. Wanting to share love physically with another person is human nature,..an inherent necessity that cannot be fulfilled by ones parents.

divya said...

nice question :) waiting for a convincing answer :P

Pavi!!!! said...

AS I read all the comments I begin to get a feeling that most of us feel uncomfortable to say that the difference in the love for a life partner is the physical aspect. Well, if that is the only difference, Is it something wrong?

@keshi - I'm glad u mentioned "u cant love ur husband the same way u love ur father"
u know wat when I think about it...in terms of the care, warmth, liking , how much i wld sacrifice etc etc things that u wld do for a person u love....it is the same for both of them except of course the physical part.

@Ceedy - Ur saying there are no expectations of reciprocation in the love for parents/siblings/ friends....Really, is that ur experience!?!?
AS far as wat I've seen most people have expectations out of everyone and everything...n specially wat ur parents do for u...one tends to take it for granted and are not even thankful or appreciative about it. Its a human thing, one can't help it!
Expectations are the root of all problems in all relationships!

@Carolingal - U echo my feelings , when u say this Q is not that simple to answer!
N i believe the love in a romantic relationship includes all the feelings that u have mentioned + the protectiveness.

Pavi!!!! said...

@Ceedy - Hmm...is it coincidence that u had Qs rgdg both of my "brainwaves" (as sneha puts it) or are u a "sharp" blogger ?:-)

Rgdg Confrontation

I was thinking of confrontation on the following lines
a) ur partner - what if (s)he cheats on u , just that one time....
b) friend - if they back stab u, let u down?

n the 2nd half of my Q was - if u did a mistake, which u know u did just that once - wld u rather admit it and let the person affected know or would u let it pass, so that things remain nice n sunny as they are , between the 2 of u.

The important thing is....the Q is essentially for mistakes that are committed just once!

c e e d y said...

@pavi
I can only say this from my personal experience - I understand that expectations are root of all problems....but if your relationship is such that with friends and parents - where you can tell them anything - then expectations are practical not idealist....which can be met - so there are no skirmishes....(more that taht taking care of parents is a personal duty....its not an expectation)...
I think its probably the kind of people one encounters....

c e e d y said...

@ pavi (with 4 exclamations) again
I dunno about being sharp....but if you read someones work for a while - and are able to connect certain dots....there is a pattern or a concept around which the person write - eg. this blog is revolving around a precious stone and its connotations
rgds confrtontation
- according to me one who cheats there can be many reasons
lust and physical attraction is a major part but other than that it can happen for intellectual, philosophical and other personal reasons....it can be driven by one person or can be a result of the other driving this one person crazy....
also one can cheat mentally 100 times more than one can cheat physically....
so for me if that mistake is made by either person - instead of living a life solving that issue - its better to confront it and move apart...the relationship at this point is already broken....one can forgive but do you think one can really forget (i cant do into details - as it can become personal )

BTW - solitaire I assure you - after this I wont write long comments - will be Short and Sweet as I am only left with nickels and dimes

Solitaire said...

@ Carolinagal, I think you nailed it.

Its nurture/dependence vs. companionship/reproduction.

@ Divya, take your pick! There are many answers here.

@ Pavi, I know this may twist things a bit, but I want to know what happens in incestual relationships where siblings or parent-child end up in physical relationships? How does that love differ then? Sometimes, I think that societal norms and moral values forbid us in doing that with our family members and hence we never develop those feelings for our parents or siblings but that physically we are capable of loving our siblings just the way we are of our partner. GOSH! I hope this does not create an uproar!

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, cheating is a whole separate issue and people have many takes on it. Sometimes, when cheating occurs only because the person is confused, not able to commit, or fighting his or her own demons, that issue can be resolved. But when cheating occurs because the person is not getting what he or she wants from their partner and needs to have those needs (whatever they may be) fulfilled elsewhere, the relationship is damaged.

Be careful. I am counting.

carolinagal said...

@ Solitare
Thanks :)

I think that when physical relations are established between parents-children, siblings etc, it has nothing do with LOVE. It is a psychopathy and in some cases pedophilia.

Of course, we are capable of physically loving our siblings/parents just as our partners. It is the moral values, that keep us from doing so. It happens all the time amongst non-human animals, and there is nothing unnatural about that. The morals and the ability to distinguish between the two different types of LOVE, is what make us different from animals.

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Carolingal - I like the way u think! Very practical and straight-forward. I agree with ur thots most of the time.
I went to ur page and saw tht there were no blogs. Do u not write?


@ Solitare - I agree with ur response to Ceedy on Cheating. Depending on the reason, things could be sorted out or the persons have to part ways.

Rgdg the physical relp within the family -Your right , it is the society and way we have all been brought up that makes us believe that it is morally wrong to do have/think of a physical relationship with a sibling .
Having said that, if one such act occurs, it is definetly not love 'coz somewhere at the back of the head, the person I feel would suffer guilt and confusion.

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, I am not sure if they ALL will suffer from guilt and confusion. I have witnessed an incestual relationship between siblings and they were perfectly happy!!

c e e d y said...

thank you for that answer on cheating appreciate it...was trying to reply to pavi other question which is not part of this short and sweet....

about the incestuous relationship - is this a correct way of looking at it (dunno)

we all in every aspect of our lives try to be comfortable and appreciated - that bonds people to gether - many cannot overcome the boundaries of personal apprehensions to seek other friends or partners....they feel comfortable within their own little nest...
socially it is a taboo and so are gays and lesbians (some of them) but if one can be happy in a situation - should it matter to others.....

and about you counting - sure - do it - am willing to pay as long as these discussions somewhere can help someone (redemtion in disguise)

Ghost Particle said...

i have experience that everyone else have. but that is not enough to quantify emotions.

romantic love makes you hate eventually and wish to break it for good, but family will make u angry with sadness, never with hate. that has nothing to do with blood, but by bonds of understanding, trust and life itself. If love relationship eventually matures to the level of parental love, then it is transcendence of life itself.

Solitaire said...

@ ceedy, thank you!! Precisely!! Why should it matter to others if someone is happy doing what they are as long as no harm is being done to anyone. I don't care if someone is gay, lesbian, divorced, infertile, incestuous, as long as nothing is harming me!

@ Ghost particle, we may think that way because in India and eastern countries, family is valued a lot. But in western countries, people have hated their families openly and there is no shame or guilt about it. Does that mean that eastern countries are better? Not necessarily so.

carolinagal said...

@Solitaire
I agree, if someone is happy with an incestuous relationship, who are we to judge, as long as its not interfering with anything we do.

carolinagal said...

@pavi

Thanks :)

I have created a blogger profile, but have not been inspired yet to write one of my own. Will keep you posted on that. I do enjoy reading and commenting on others' blogs though.

badshah khan said...

Nope ..its just we who put a tag on the love and i guess for a reason.

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Solitare... Yes happiness is all that matters in the end , but not at the cost of others' happiness...
But then agn..one man's meat is another man's poison...so the argument cld go on n on n on...
n yeah...abt the guilt part...Hmm..interesting .tho in my case.. I have a frend who did the same thing wit her bro...n her parents came to know abt it n u can imagine the agony after that!
she was a troubled soul for many mths after tht....

vEENs said...

Oh God! r we having some kind of debate here :)

Well well.. all love are same..all the feelings that we have .. be it for my family, my frens or you... they all come under love..

When it comes to partner; the love thing is the same.. u sometimes like to mother him, sometimes lecture him, tell him whats your point of view and all.. all cuz u love him in all the ways yu know.. right? ain't that the same for yur family and frens..

the difference is of course the physical part.. and thats y I say the relationship that starts with the physical part first.. always drains away..and never works out...love is important :)

*good one Sneha [I thought I like using your first name :) spelling ka panga nahin rehta :)!]