May 15, 2008

Matrimonial Ad

Here's another "fill in the blanks" game.
This time it's matrimonial ads!!

Wanted a (adjective), (adjective), and (adjective) (opposite gender) for a (adjective), (adjective), and (adjective) (your gender).

(Your gender) is (educational qualifications) and earns (salary) per month. Comes from a very (adjective) family. Father is a (profession) and mother is a (profession).

(Your gender's) hobbies include (hobby) and (hobby). Would prefer someone who is (write whatever you want).

Make it as funny as you can!!!! The list will be compiled and put up on Warm Fuzzies on SUNDAY NIGHT EST!! Go berserk!

73 comments:

Ashu said...

i wud put the ad i encountered on my blog here

Ashu said...

btw super coooool pic mate!!!

Solitaire said...

@ Ashu,

Thanks!!! Was that ad funny???

Keshi said...

Ur not SHAADI.COMing ur blog r ya Sol? LOL!

Will be back to take part. loving this one!

Keshi.

Ankur said...

happily straight and even if not.... there is no place for us men to take part in this...

hmpf!!!

:-/

carolinagal said...

LOL!! I'll be back to this one!!

BTW, where is STOP??

Keshi said...

here's mine. A tad longer than I expected tho.

----------------------------------



WANTED a domesticable, can-cook-n-clean and superb-in-bed Male for an outgoing, bitchy-but-lovable and shoe-crazy Female.


She is 'educated' enough to be a wife and careerwoman, and 'earns' alot of LOVE from everyone she meets per month.


Comes from a very 'dysfunctional' family.

Father is a Detective (*meet the Fokkers*) and mother is a 'Nutcase' just like the daughter. Sister, let's not even go there.


Her hobbies include blogging, looking for blog-fodder (beware next post might be on u), living in a blog, hosting blog parties, thinking too much, listening to
music, blogging about music, did I say Blogging? ok!


Would prefer a blogger, blog-programmer by profession, blogaholic or blogworm, someone who can shutup and listen at times, someone
who is easy to talk to, someone who is not up himself, overly religious men will not be considered, better drink alcohol, smoke if you want, eat meat wutever but plz don't eat my head, better know good music and have a decent dress sense, smell good enough not to shoot you down, clean and hygenic, no gingivitis sufferers plz, preferably an emotional-wreck to feel equal, caste MUST be Human, must be handsome in the heart, must speak Sense, should come from an equally 'hilarious' family, should be able to tolerate pure crap, better know what Grunge is, should be prepared to sleep on the couch if a sudden request is received, gotta be able to give up on TV when asked to, should have his own house to go back to if asked to leave, better have your own car not to hog her's and MUST be 'Ugly' if u know what I mean.

Will give details of more 'requirements'when asked for. Yes there's more.


If u want her horoscope here it is:

Sun on her face
Moon in her eyes
Saturn in her deeds
Mercury in her blood
Venus in her flirtations
Jupiter in her pocket
Uranus in ur-anus

Other planets are busy doing something else I guess. Will tell u later where they are.


A recent photo of the guy will be much appreciated, w.o. morhping it ofcourse. Send in your applications today and be her man ooh lala!



Keshi.

Nirmal's Blog said...

now sol tell me how can i partcipate in this without taking the word GAL in it????

Vrij said...

Lemme see if I can do justice to make this as funny as I can.. and hope biwi does not spy on ur blog ;)

Wanted a hot, sexy and voluptuous young lady for a handsome, naughty and high libidous gentleman.

I am a dentist and earn enough to pay my credit card bills for you. Comes from a very interesting family. Father is a doctor and mother a genious homemaker.

My hobbies include sleeping and sleeping with women. Would prefer someone who is as sleepy as I am !

Chriz said...

wow cool one indeed.. am gonna take this up... thank you for lighting the fire

Achilles's Heel said...

matri ads.. seems to me a person can only be defined with adjectives..

Achilles's Heel said...

if u ever put a matri ad for your self what would it be..

Hiren said...

cooool possst ... i hvnt drafted anything in the format specified by you [you know it takes time for this .. :)] ... i will be back with the ad ... but for now this post of your has prompted me to put up one about Expectations from my wife :)... check that out on Serenity ... :)

Iceman said...

Kaming soon...
Ad... under construction.. err... make that under destruction...

Keshi said...

hey Sol, sorry I just realised I wrote a whole post LOL...so I went and updated my blog with the same thing. :)

Ur idea was so cool! Hiren did the same thing in his blog like I did hehe.

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Sol go n check my pic in that post. LOL!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

Nirmal....


**tell me how can i partcipate in this without taking the word GAL in it?

Put in WITCH there.


LOL!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

btw where is ur STOP blog?

Keshi.

TROJAN SPIRIT said...

M writing it for a Gays so wont be using opposite genders ..

Wanted a healthy, wealthy and muscular MAN for a six ab-ed, large penis-ed, love-hunggry MAN.

MAN is Ph.D in Gay-Kamasutra with specialization in how-toget-extreme-pleasure and earns $10000 per month as Gigolo. Comes from a very Gayish family. Father is a Male Gigolo and mother is a famous escort and a reputed, top=-most prostitute

MAN's hobbies include sex, sex and sex either on top or on bottom.

Would prefer someone who is passionate about love making, love oral and anal sex and has got largest penis and nuts..

RW said...

Hope this meets your high standards! Been a long time since I did stuff like this. Consider it a rehabilitation exercise:)

Wanted a Light Beige, Yonigothra, and Monotit Junkette for a Ball Chewing, Anorexic, and Much maligned Male.

(Switched profile on now).

Randy Warhol is B-com Fail, and earns more per month. Comes from a very illustrated family. Father is a pedicurist and mother is a Pain.

My hobbies include Train Spotting and Watching Bread Slicing at the Bakery. Would prefer someone who is Partially Addicted to Subscribing to Newsletters.

Neeku said...

you are hilarious... okay have to come up with something... especially with the recent episode.

will be back soon....

Bubbles of FireWhiskey said...

Wanted a brown, well behaved, and wont-bark-or-bite-too-much male for a brown, gorgeous and lab/lhasa mix female.

she is four years old, house trained and holds a gold medal in chewing up every chappal left unattended and earns 4 bones per month. Comes from a very respectable and slightly crazy family. Father is a labrador with a fear of water and mother is a lhasa with a huge attitude.

her hobbies include waking up her caretaker at 4 in the morning and eating boiled potatoes. Would prefer someone who is willing to ice cream off the plate on the table.

Satish Bolla said...

pretty good mind twister. will come up with one soonnnnnnnnn

vasanth said...

Wanted a busty, sex-starved and fair-as-milk girl for a lascivious, filthy-rich and roving-eyed boy.

Boy is matric failed and earns rupees ten lakhs per m onth. Comes from a most feared family. Father is a contract killer and mother is a brothel keeper.

Boy's hobbies include gambling and match-fixing. Would prefer someone who could entice cricketers into dropping catches and getting bowled.

Interested parties please contact Vichchoobhai at Jhopadpatti No 420, Dharavi, Mumbai, with an earnest m oney of rupees ten thousand in cash (bank draft not accepted) which will notbe refunded if the girl is not finally selected.

g-man said...

Wanted an understanding, wild, and schizophrenic lady for an incorrigible, insatiable adrenaline junkie.

He is a millionaire playboy with a libido the size of the milky way and earns $$$$$ per month. Comes from a very brain damaged family, which is perched on the brink of insanity. Father is a professional alcoholic and mother is a professional anti-alcoholic.

His hobbies include writing, reading, getting laid, the occasional drink (or two or three or four), and quite a bit of porno. Would prefer someone who is dark-skinned, caring and definitely willing to experiment.

Kindly send in photos with and without make up at various times of the day as he'd like to know what he could be waking up to.

AmitL said...

(a)Most typical ad: Wanted a young,slim and attractive bride for a fair, tall,well-educated groom.

Groom is an engineer and earns in five figures American dollars per month. Comes from a very liberal family. Father is a businessman and mother is a housewife.

Groom's hobbies include sangeet and sports . Would prefer someone who is outgoing yet conservative.

(b)More humorous:
Wanted:Sundar, Susheel,gharelu kanya,for sundar,susheel,ooncha var.
Var paanchvi kakshaa se tez aur chhe shoonya aankdon mein kamaata hai.Pita retired,maata ghar-grihini.

Var ki hobbies:Khaana pakaana and khaana. Var ke liye chaahiye kanya,jo in hobbies mein uska haath baant sake.

(3) Wanted:
A bold,beautiful Bipasha Basu type girl for a tall,handsome John Abraham type jerk.

Jerk is Matric fail baniya and earns hazaar gaalis per month since he lives off father's income.Comes from a madcap family.Father is a baniya and mother is a baniyaan.

Jerk's hobbies include bird-watching of the two-legged variety and dating them. Would prefer someone whom he has not dated yet.

Pavi!!!! said...

Hhahaha..im gonna have fun reading the comments on this blog!

n i want u too to ans this one..plzzzzzz

elusive said...

yay tis gonna be real fun shall be back wit my ad soon :D

Iceman said...

Wanted a healthy, fair, and holy cow for a handsome, clean & black, and raging bull. Pet name is kallu.

The Bull is a qualified expert in bull fighting and earns loads of fodder per month. Comes from a very royal family. Father is a Temple Bull and mother is a aging cow.

The bull's hobbies include scaring mules and picking fight with other bulls. Would prefer someone who is homely, who could give loads of milk. Raging bull & a holy cow would make a gr8 combo...

Eligible cows may pls send a sample of milk first! Prospects will be shortlisted after tasting the samples.... Mooooooooooooo

Doodh doodh doodh.. piyo glass full! Moooooooooooooo


Psst.. Psst.. The bull chews orbit white... so expecting to get too much marriage proposals!
:-)

catscratch diva said...

Hmmmmm.... I may have to snatch this one day :)

d SINNER!!! said...

yeh toh sochne wala kaam he ...

Ankur said...

hehe... u changed it a lil.. hai na??? :D :D

Cheers!!!

Coco said...

this sounds like FUN!!
i'll come back later...
gotta go to the doctor's : (

by the way...
stop by and see what i wrote-
yes, i borrowed one of your meme's; )

have a wonderful weekend!

oh! and thank you for the invite!!

Anvita said...

@keshi

totally loved yur add man....bestest

Anvita said...

liked yur comment of 'witch' in reply to nirmal

Cinder-Single said...

Solitaire this is great... I would like to take part, I have to find my funny side tho!! LOL!!!

I will get back to you if I get it posted!!!

Nehya

vishesh said...

Wanted a understandable, sweet, and understanding girl for a crazy, poetic, and serious boy.

he is currently sleeping in XII-C chinmaya vidyalaya and earns energy to blog at night. Comes from a very broad minded family. Father is a CA and mother is also a CA.

his hobbies include writing poems,football and a zillion other things. Would prefer someone who is insane,not trying to act "cool",not insecure and likes to be peaceful(doesn't pull the roof down by yelling).should also be able to see sense when he cannot.

Nirmal's Blog said...

keshi i have explained it to u many times...

witches are like normal beings 4 me...

i cant take anything against them...

lol...

Ria said...

So here comes my ad:

Wanted a good looking, intelligent, humorous, super rich and sexy male for a hot,super finicky, multi-tasking and crazy female.

She is an MBA with additional qualifications which will b disclosed in the first meeting only, and earns a five figure salary per month. Comes from a very illustrated family. Father is a painter and mother is a super woman.

Her hobbies include singing,dancing, listening to music, shopping, blogging, watching movies, reading and everything else she does in her free time. Would prefer someone who has similar hobbies as her and who doesn't mind taking care of the household chores coz she has lots of hobbies to take care of! Oh and did i forget to mention she needs her weekly dose of pampering so, she visits the salon at 10 in the morning on a weekend and returns only after 6 in the evening...So plz do not expect her to b available on a weekend! :)

Keshi said...

Sol and Anvita dun forget to check my Ad post (this same one) in my blog..especially my evil pic in it.

Keshi.

Ghost Particle said...

Wanted a smart, supergirl, and science lives girl for a making, smart, and babies and saving the world.

I yam and Mail Men is not as smart as you to finish ur ma, msc or phd and earns 1/5 th of what and average american ears a year. Comes from a very orthodox 'i will kill you if u love a girl' family. Father is a strict man and mother is the one who makes me live every day of my life.

My hobbies include photography and blogging. Would prefer someone who is pleas love me I beg you.

Pri said...

il'l just paste his pic instead...whatsay?? ;)
afteral when i have just what i want in mind, why simply confuse ppl...eh??

here is the link...
WANTED!!---someone exactly like him (ofcourse minus the controversies and rumours..hmpf!!..not that i believe them)

http://www.flixster.com/servlet/embed/photo/link/3079511

Pri said...

oops!!...please dont throw a tantrum because i know u hate him...heehee
but i dont mind that...the lesser number of options he has the better...
u stick to aamir gal! :p

Nits said...

Wanted a hot and sexy, yet decent, with no hypochondria girl for a suave, James bond type Martini drinker, and seriously low on memory guy!

He is a professional enginner(now what's professional about an engineer?)and earns 'constantly updated amount' per month. Father is a respected professional engineer too, and mother is a detective who constantly keeps a tab on her son's dubious activities!

His hobbies are blogging, moving in water forward and backward(swimming), Hitting BALLS with bat(cricket), and working out some serious stuff!(gym). Would prefer someone who can handle his relatively unstable mind!!! :-D


Is there any BASANTI around???

Nits said...

ohh yes..and i forgot!

Should be able to cook CHICKEN! ;-)

elusive said...

My ad :

Wanted a handsome, sensitive, and HOT guy for a beautiful, demented and obsessive gal. The chick is lost as far as career is concerned and earns peanuts(boiled) per month. Comes from a hyper-emotional family. Father is a JAILOR and mother is a sweetheart. Chick's hobbies include doing the chicken dance and surfing shaadi.com. Would prefer someone who's caring, sharing and all that shit. Who doesn't dress like superman/rajnikanth/uday chopra. Someone who would know how to eat gooey-chocolate cakes and pamper her with unlimited love n public-display-of-affection and make her feel like a princess. Even martians can apply. (The chick though demented is smart enough to know tat not a single earthling gonna fit the bill)

*Conditions applied



* Men with GINGIVITIS/PIG-STY ARMPITS/DIRTY NAVELS/HUGE BEER-BELLIES/DIRTY UN-PICKED NOSES/MIMOH-STYLE DANCE-SKILLS - get your priorities right..yu needta work on urself so tat you graduate to the homo-sapiens level..this newspaper doesn't cater to animals.
Oh except cute lil pugs..yu guys make a cute exception :D

Raghu Iyer said...

Iscream "kingkong"...oooppss..kingkone.... ane gujju ma kahiye tho king "kaun"...ha ha ha....tabiyath saari etle ice cream relish karo cho...pan jovaa jaiye tho gujjuben...koi pan ice cream karthaa saaraa aapnaa aa gujarat maa nu "baraf no golo"...just crush ice and add some sarbath......yummy...

Ashish said...

Wanted a sexy, naughty and bitchy girl for an overweight, overaged and overeating Boy.

Boy is illiterate and earns 2 kgs per month. Comes from a very horny family. Father is a 'father of 4' but mother is a 'mother of 5'.

Boy's hobbies include cleaning his/others' nose with three fingers simultaneously. Would prefer someone who can do the same/better with all five fingers

ceedy said...

Wanted (this word itself scares me...is she going to be a convict!)
insanityproof or insane girl for a insane guy.

Male is educated (knows how to count 1 to 436 in one breath and can say ABCD backwards in one hour) and earns enough to enjoy everything he wants in life.

Comes from a very laidback gujju family. Father is semiretired and mom does not want to retire.

Male hobbies include travelling, working (making it a hobby takes the stress out of it) and nowadays blogging (this third slot is always changing as I like to try new things everyonce in a while -if you need to know the last one was learning violin)

Would prefer someone who is confident about herself can bear the brunt of sometimes non stop jokes.
Serious girls will have to train me to be serious - seriously!

Its compleltly upto you if you want to work/earn (this depends on your needs if they are more than what I make - me am a simple guy till it comes to buying electronics!)

Also be prepared to know good cooking and also eat what I cook....well its a mutual culinary give and take I am looking for.

Age really does not matter - the younger you feel the better.
Sex - now this really depends on our weekly schedule -weekends hopefully sure unless you have a headache syndrome which even GOD did not know the answer for when Adam asked him what does Eve mean by "she has a headache".

Religion - Why is this necessary?

and Race - I kinda did not like that movie so if you liked it then maybe we have to discuss....cause our choices might not match.

If interested please free to contact me and please dont abbreviate your answers (refer to my latest blogs) - its a matter of lifelong commitment - and abbreviations I wont really understand them.

Macadamia The Nut said...

Lol!! I'm so tempted!! :D But I don't
think I can make your deadline :((
:((
:((
:((

My typing capability has been.. err temporarily disabled :D

But I'm going to do this once im ok.
;)

Macadamia The Nut said...

Sheesh babe! Just HAD to do it! It was irresistible ;)

here it is:
http://macadamiathenut.blogspot.com/

:D

Keshi said...

so where's the update Sol?

Keshi.

Keshi said...

where r u Sol? ok no worries.

Keshi.

Deepti said...

will put this up on my blog ... but cant meet ur deadline ... too much work :((

Cinder-Single said...

YAY!!! I did it and here is mine!!! HAHA!!!

Wanted a Tall Dark handsome man, with piercing eyes, a smile that will make me slap my mama and willing to go shopping at the brink of the moment kinda Guy ,for a bubbly , fun loving,movie and fresh prince of bel air watching and Out of this world coach bag shopping Chick .

This Chick right here is Highly Educated in sale shopping, sleeping, giggling, and all night dancing on the dance floor along with tables if they are in sight and earns all the smiles, chocolate along with love she can handle per month. Comes from a very happy go lucky family. Father is a snipper in the Courtroom and mother is a Halitoses stopper. She also believes in Fairy tales, can you handle this??

This Chicks hobbies include Snuggling, mind reading and Stealing the hearts of all men that come within one mile of her, blogging, reading friends blogs & Chatting with her dear friends. Would prefer someone who is Fun, outgoing, Loves to laugh, and who is willing to take on this cruel world of shopping with me, will enjoy me laughing out loud when reading blogs along with crying. You need to console me by getting me a lot of glasses of wine. However make sure it is Kosher!

You cannot have any sadness on your face, you have to love me no matter what and you have to pretend you know what I am talking about even if you don't,this includes all blonde moments! You do this and we will forever get along , and you can have all the hugs you only wish for.

No need applying if you are a known liar, have baby mama drama following you around, no Job, no car and wants to hang out on the couch and flip the sports channels all day, and if you think you are getting some you better go and find yourself a inflatable doll. Looks are not everything, but you must have pretty teeth, no yuk mouths, mostly presentable looking, no blondes because I think one in a relationship is more than enough! HAHA!!!!

Solitaire said...

@ Ankur,

There was space..yeah I did change it. :p
Why didn't you take part?

Solitaire said...

@ Carolinagal,

STOP has STOPPED!

Solitaire said...

@ Chriz,

Did you give up? Didn't hear from you.

Solitaire said...

@ Achille Heel,

I dunno!!!!

Solitaire said...

@ Iceman,

Saw it!! You don't need one anymore!

Solitaire said...

@ Neeku,

Where is yours!?

Solitaire said...

@ Satish,

You did not come up with one!

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi,

I am shy!

Solitaire said...

@ Catscratch,

By all means do that!

Solitaire said...

@ D sinner,

Socho!!

Solitaire said...

@ Coco,

Did you come back?

Solitaire said...

@ Pri,

kyooooooooooooooooooooooooon?Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Solitaire said...

@ Keshi,

Sorry was offline for a couple days.

Solitaire said...

@ Macadamia,

What happened to you?

Solitaire said...

@ Raghu,

Hahah!! Gujjuland yaad aa gaya!

Ankur said...

I didnt take part coz i dont have any expectation... i just want d girl to be educated and her to understand ME, no adjectives can suffice her nemore!!!

and spaces, eh???
hehe
:P

waise wheres ur ad btw??

Cheers!!!

Anonymous said...

Mr Ex MD actually wrote this...

Can you believe that !
-----------------------------

So you really don't want to marry me.

First off, I won't allow you to sit still. I constantly want to go do stuff, like bhangra, and ras, and would like to do this until I an 108 and you are 100 and something.

If you make me eat Badaam in the morning I will throw them at you one by one- in the head.

Second of all I will make you chant Hare Krishna in the morning, and I will make you sing, even if your not good. I will make everyone in the house do this also... and if they don't I will pour water on them unless they are older than me, at which point I will not talk to them until they start singing.

In addition I will ask you to take on some sort of musical instrument while you are singing because it would suck if you cant sing.

Fourth, I will ask that you come with me to go swimming, because thats my favorite thing to do. And then I will ask you to race me. If you win, I will tell you that you cheated.

I will ask you not to kill cows, and if you see one, I would ask that you pet it(and try to tip it over if we sneak up on one at night... but only at night)
then I will go to work, and hopefully you will to.

If you do not go to work I will be thoroughly jealous, and hence I will ask you to go to work again. If you insist on staying home, I will call your parents and ask them why you are so lazy. If they say thats the way you have always been, I will take sanyas.

After you come home from work I will ask you to make some orange juice for me, freshly squeezed... with lemon. No chai. If you put chooran in it I will throw up.
Then I will make the same for you. But really you will have already made it so I will just be pouring a cup of juice for you.

Afterwards, we will go out to the symphony, and do totally Gora activities every 3rd night, desi stuff every first and second night, and see what they get out of it. I will make fun of Goras there. If you don't start laughing I will start making fun of you.

After we come home, I will sing a song that thoroughly annoys you, and my kids. This will be pure entertainment value for me alone.

When we are old I will forget your name on purpose, so that we can meet again and again for the first time. This will annoy you. Later when I lose my memory you will be used to this... and you won't notice a difference.

At the end of your life I will make sure you say Krishna as your last word, then I will hang out with other 100 year olds, and watch Z-tv, and talk about how stupid my kids are.

Satish Bolla said...

Sorry for being a bit late. But better late than never. I know that am not as creative as other people but lemme give it a try. My take will be on beggars of India. Here I go:

Wanted a highly-professional, pleasant-looking and hard working female beggar for a highly-reputed-at-all-the-temples, cunning and leader-of-beggar-associations male beggar.

He's a primary school drop-out and earns a salary of not less than 2,00,000 INP(Indian Paise) per month(and sometimes even more if the people who he begs are more generous). Comes from a very "nomadic" family. Father is a hard-core drunkard while mother is a non-blind-beggar who acts to be blind at the Vinayaka temple.

Boy(You can call a male of 42 yrs to b a boy!!!!)s hobbies include fighting for the first step at temples' stairs and smoking half burnt cigarettes(found on roads). Would prefer someone who can fight on streets with other female beggars, who can bring home at least 50 Rs per day, who can act well as a mother of a new-born baby at the traffic signals etc.