Well... not necessary true, sometimes its not necessary that you get that or rather most of the times!!! and btw... we man do think the same, so what will happen if they both think the same... A War of Love!!!
I personally dont believe in this, love isnt necessary for the sign of happiness... wud rather go with, be with someone with whom u feel happy!!! :)
U r a Shrek, so u know how many times we run after the mirage... Love.. Utopia it is, some achieve it, most dont!!!
After 10 years of marriage someone someday realises that he doesnt love her anymore... 10 years back he married thinking that she loves her more than anyone, even him!!! and he loved here too... Now with the situation changin and environmental factors playin a crucial role, that love has become a liability!!!
I always wondered hw ppl change, with times!!!
I would love to marry a girl who can be happy with me, and if i can be happy with her!!! Love is something which is a feeling, not true everytime, would love to love and being loved, but this doesnt holds true for me...
and yet as a human i say, i will love her (whosoever now) more than i have loved anyone and i can love anyone... cant break the relationship ever for any damn reason!!! I feel it... :)
****Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
and taking this into consideration, most men love u more than u love them... will u marry any of them???
I am NOT a "SHREK" and don't look like one either!
Secondly, yes...if everyone starts thinking that way, then there will be no marriages for there is no way to prove that one loves the other more. "Swear on me" and "jump off the train for me" and all that is too filmy and dramatic!
If love is utopia..so is our quest for happiness. For some love=happiness and for others, a marriage without love is futile.
Yes, love after ten years may disappear but we cannot live in the future. In the present, would you marry someone who loves you more or would you marry someone you love but does not love you back?
And hello? Who are the men who love me more than I love them? Show me one at least and I will think about it!
1) Ok... this is the first time u have said u rnt!!! gussa kyon mujh par :(
but yeh dont look like one either kya tha... cant shrek's look beautiful and innocent!!! :D
2) agreed completely... give me ur head too!!! :P
3) agreed complete both are utopia, but happiness is still achieveable!!! i think... may be i m wrong, love becomes a mirage sometimes!!!
dont know yaar... for me both have become mirage for now!!! so u r true!!! :D
dont i sound too confused on this!!! :P
but not always true that marriage without love is futile, most indian marriages happen in this way... isnt!!! :)
4) **In the present, would you marry someone who loves you more or would you marry someone you love but does not love you back?
but i never said that... i just say that her loving me is important, but more than i love her not necessarily!! The one i used to love, loved me more than i love her... but again the outcome isnt marriage!! So, we cant hold this true vica versa too!!!
5) **And hello? Who are the men who love me more than I love them? Show me one at least and I will think about it!
"Cos I believe that it's an inherent human trait to love ourselves the most first."
I completely agree.
If you Love yourself truly, you are truly capable of Love outside of you.
And if someone loves you truly, he/she will let you be free.
Nirmal,
A mother Loves her child because it embodies her. Her emotions, her values, her own self. It is because the mother loves herself truly, that she loves her child truly. Because to her, the child is more important than anything else outside of her. So if she didn't Love herself, how would she love her child?
The bottom line is: Love is not an ethereal thing that it is taken to be. Love puts the self first.
When I say I Love something, it is the "I" that comes first.
if we really LOVE someone, we will never say someone else's love is greater than ours. We think we love/loved/will love more than anyone else can. Then how can we expect someone to love us more than we love them?
@ankur "You cant kill you for you" of course, you can, that's called suicide, when u want to save yourself from facing the world or for someother reason you'll suicide.
How can you gauge this? Cant affection sometimes be mistaken as love? And if any one of the partner is in this mode of more or less...then either they are sad feeling that he/she does not love me enough or the person who feels is loving more can once in a while get upset and blurt out - you dont love me enough do you?
Expectation to measure love is according to me anti-love. It more like a deal - It has to be felt, experienced, enjoyed till it lasts and sometimes even let go....
I will not. Definitely not. No matter how much he loves me. Why should I? Or rather how could I! coz I love women.. and I would love to be in love and marry a woman who loves me more than I love her..
I feel its a very selfish way of putting it coz i jus dont get it....u marry a person who loves u but then whts the point if u dont love him! He's in for a loss then, i feel whts essential is we shud marry a person who v cant live without...and with whom v dont realise the passing of time. :)
OY... one big technical mishtake... mujhe maaaf kar dena main tujhe Shrek kaha... meri angrezi bahut kamjor hai... mai hindi madhyam ka chatr hoon!!! :(
main kehna chahta tha, Shrink aur typo aur tech mishtake se ho gaya shrek...
is naadan ko maaf kar de yaaa!!! :(
is galti ke liye hum aapse karbadh ( dono haath jodkar) shama ki bhikhsha(bheekh) ki yachna karte hai!!! :(
Solitaire is a Shrink... !!! :)
plzzzzzzzzz
maaf kar dena ki maine aapko shrek kaha aur phir apni galti ko ek baar mai nahi pehchan paya!!! :(
First of all, LOL @ the 'Shrek...ooops Shrink' comment from Ankur!!
And now to the main question, well, if the choice is between marrying a man who loves you more than you love him versus marrying a man who does not love you as much as you love him, then I would much rather go with the first option. Who wants to be in a relationship when the opposite sex does not love you as much as you should be loved??
Honestly... I think it should be equal... I have had instances ... where the Guys have been head over heels for me... to a point where ..even family was pressurzing ... but If I cannot love him back the way he does... then its not fair for him. Besides I will unhappy too...
In the same way... If I love someone way too much more than he does... then ...it could be possible that the affection can be taken for granted...
I will find out through the love calculator that Alok is going to sell in a few months. Maybe that has a formula on how much weightage should be given to flowers and gifts and what-not.
BTW, why all this advice directed to me!? I did not say that statement! It is a piece of advice that mothers have been giving to their daughters since generations. If you don't believe me, look it up!
I feel this whole notion of love is a bit too over-rated, you spend time someone , get use to them, start liking them the way they are.....and that's it!!!!
This statement is not about loving yourself lesser or more than your partner..it is about the amount of love (for lack of a better word) that you have for each other.
Affection is synonymous with love. Considering that to be true, your first statement makes no sense because you cannot "mistake" affection for love as both are one and the same.
You say that we should enjoy love until it lasts. How can you gauge that love is gone? Or there is little love left? Is there a measure for that?
ok firstly I think I read this qn wrong..lol sorry!
Sol asked this:
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
I was in a hurry yday and read it as
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love YOURSELF
So yeah, my apologies! I will ans the right qn shortly.
But first let me reply to some ppl's comments here that were addressed to me.
Nirmal, I know that MOTHERS love their childres MORE than they love themselves. But in this post, Sol isnt asking abt parents. She's asking abt PARTNERS. Hence that ans from me :)
Sol, to me it wud be suffocating. If there's no LOVE from my side, I'd really find it claustrophobic to be loved by a man that I dont LOVE! Wuts the point of being Married to someone that u dont LOVE?
ty Alok, I agree with u too. If we dun love ourselves fully first, we really cant love someone else. And it isnt abt being sselfish. It's abt appreciating urself before u appreciate others.
Ankur sorry I didnt u'stand wut u said :( plz elaborate. tnxx!
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
To me, a Marriage without LOVE is like a bird without wings. Wuts the point in being married to someone that u dont LOVE as much as he loves u?
Love is something that cannot be measured - it's just there. But if you feel that you don't LOVE him as much as he LOVES u, then there's certainly something not right there. There isn't LOVE there at all. Cos when it's been measured, it's not LOVE.
So wuts the point in being married like that? Just to hv a partner in life? Just to feel secure in life? I SAY NO.
OMG this whole SHREK thing is so funny! Sneha, I'dve loved to see your face when you read that "this is the first time you're saying you're not one". ROFL :)
Yes affection is synonymous to love but love (its meaning from the same source) then trancends to passionate desire and one can be affectionate to someone but not necessarily be in love with them...
and I do agree Love in any form more, less or lesser is not measurable as it is a feeling not a tangible entity......but then how do you explain break ups...where that desire to be with someone you were in love with is no longer there?
We are not talking about "being in love" here nor are we talking about passionate desire (also known as lust). We are simply talking about love. And you can love your partner without being "in love" with them.
And I am sure that those who break up do not have a love-o-meter that they pull out before doing so. Moreover, not all breakups are due to the lack of love.
For more information about that last sentence, go watch Sex and the City.
But the question does not say that you do not love the guy..it simply says that the guy loves you more which implies that you do love the guy...just lesser than how he loves you. Would that be suffocating too? Do you think two people can love each other equally?
I know of a person like that. She is very dependent on her husband, emotionally and otherwise. But she has no qualms or expectations. She is happy knowing that her husband loves her.
How on earth are we supposed to keep increasing our love? Is there a tap that we can turn on and love pours out? And would the heart not burst? Or would I have to get rid of the love I have for other people before doing so?
Even I am not talking about being in love or passionate desire or lust...all I am saying is that love is much more that being simply affectionate....but I guess its not relevant to this question.
And I did not really understand this "And you can love your partner without being "in love" with them."
And yes have watched and know that all break ups are not because of lack of love...you can leave someone whom you love and thats possible too.
What is the difference between "in love" and "love"....
I am not arguing here...just did not understand the structure of the sentence....you wrote earlier.
I do agree with you....there are many relationships just there...not necessarily having love...it ones personal choice finally of what one wants....just a companion or someone really close...
I am still iffy about more or less love as I feel that it has to be felt from within to be shared and experienced....not something that has a certain expectation attached to it...but this again is personal...to each
In my personal opinion, being in love would include a sexual longing and could also be refered to as infatuation in certain cases which may fade away. That does not necessarily mean that you have stopped loving the person or experiencing a strong emotional attachment to them.
Of course love has to be shared and experienced from within. But sometimes you just know that the love being expressed is more or less than what happens at your end. It could solely be the expression and not the feeling or maybe both.
Ok - got it....just to add...there can be sexual longing without love too..right?
And to you second part yes...what you say makes sense - so it can be both ways...in a relationship from time to time....so maybe I retract my statement that it should be "equal" cause maybe then it might get boring :)...thnx
**it simply says that the guy loves you more which implies that you do love the guy...just lesser than how he loves you. Would that be suffocating too? Do you think two people can love each other equally?
can real LOVE be measured? I dun think so. What's MORE and whats LESS when it comes to LOVE? Love is just Love. It cannot be put on a scale and weighed.
I made a typo of callin Sneha a Shrek instead of a Shrink!!! It was more than typo coz i didnt realize what i wrote and then she asked me how come i am a Shrek.. so i said that u never said before that u rnt !!! :D
btw... Sneha is a cute beauitful intelligent Shrink!!! :D
ROFL... Sol,I'm curious-who are 'they',in this case? But,seriously,I don't think it matters..coz,as the relationship progesses,it's the level of trust that becomes prevalent,and,love continues to grow/reduce/remain,depending on the trust level!:)
Personally,I do wonder-would I appreciate a partner who was obsessed to the point of paranoia,a la,Pooja Bhatt in one of Mahesh Bhatt's movies? Probably not!
sam said Quantifing love is stupid!! But this is one case where maths rule "If A is B then B is A" fails
Because even though
Quantifying love is Stupid,
Stupid is not Quantifying love. (Sol is, through her question)
Stupid answered under the assumption that sol's assumption is true.
And if love quantifyable,
then before meeting her man, sol had 0 love for him. Then the situation became 0 (less than) sol's love (less than) man's love. And sol started wondering whether to marry him or not. (I couldn't use the actual sign of (less than) cos stupid blogspot says its a HTML tag, not allowed)
So sol, if your love for him increased from zero to some non zero value, it means love can somehow increase. You are the best judge how to increase it.
And about the heart breaking part,
Think of your heart as a glass sphere, filled with love.
(Shisha ho ya dil ho....wala!)
Inside it is your love for your man and other people. Outside it is other people's love for you.
Before meeting your man, the difference between your love for others and their love for you was kinda matched, except for slight differnce that could be tolerted by the strenght of your glass heart. So your heart was fine and things were in stable equilibrium.
Then love for him also grew in your heart, and this was balanced by his love for you. So heart still intact.
(Mind you, the difference between the love of two persons can only be as much as either of their heart's strenghts permits. If it exceeds, on of the hearts will break. So don't marry if you love the guy too less than he loves you ;) )
And as your loves for each other grow neck to neck (etc) they will balance each other out and no additional pressure will be there on the hearts.
Actually this is a very widely applicable theory.
If one person loves some person too much and its not reciprocated, one day the person's heart breaks and he/she comes running to sol for counselling
On the other hand, if one person has become cold and unloving, his heart too will break feeling all 'empty' and vaccum, cos outside of it, people still had normal 'love pressures' for the person. Sol gets richer again!
And writing such insane thesis, I am soon going to need counselling. Sol I'm coming!
Yeah go ahead but do attribute it, with maybe link to my blog. Pichhle story ka alternative ending many people thought was yours. Not a big deal, but does kinda feel odd inside.
And maybe I'll also put it as a post. And link to this post for stating the 'source of inspiration' for the thesis.
is dis a closed discussion, hope not.did read thru some of the comments & well..cldnt help typin n my views too. well...i second keshi & alok. i mean hw on earth do u luv som1 more tan u luv urself...de idea is sweet, a sweet illusion! only makes thngs very heroic , i ll die for you , i ll do dat 4 you & blah blah. but y is it dat v wnt 2 do dat sumthn 4 dat spec person. u don do it 4 evry tom dick or harry , u do it coz it makes you hAppy , u luv 2 luv , u lov to care , & by u i mean , u & me & yeah u & u too.. y is it dat love dies aftr som time ..if it really ws meant 4 de oter person , somthng purely selfless as u wld wnt 2 call , u did it just fade away aftr 10 yrs or 2 yrs , wldnt it stay , coz u knw de oter needs u .or when der r times dat u knw de oter doesnt need you , if luv is truly selfless , dat it wld stop being a bother 2 de reciever. but hw often does luv act dat way. v luv soley coz v NEED TO LOVE , in most cases , v hv no control on dat need of urs & when v find som1 whom v trust not 2 break our hearts , c again v look 4 our own safety , v fall n luv ..mayb u can cover up dis part & make it all fairy tailish , but the point is SELF LOVE IS THE FIRST & LAST LOVE. you may be willing to die 4 ur love , may u wld rather die 4 ur luv tan see his or her death or unhappiness...but y ..coz YOU cant bear the thought of thier pain. so basically its all coz of you or rather me. but i aint sayin ders anythn wrong wit dis . hw can u love if u don hv a self ..selfless luv is a myth ! btwn hw on earth do u knw who luvs who de most , i guess our kids wld hv 2 memorise yet another invention ...love calculator was invented by ...hugh einstein! lol!
143 comments:
Good one on my bday Sol, haha!
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
I dun think anyone can possibly love someone else MORE than they love themselves.
Cos I believe that it's an inherent human trait to love ourselves the most first.
Besides I dun want a man to love me in such a suffocating manner either. I wont call that Love anyways...maybe Greed?
I never really believed in that quote Sol. :)
Keshi.
I will say:
Marry a girl who loves you more than you love her !!
I did that only !!
I'm gonna sell Love Calculators now.
I say its correct..but love should be there!
I say, it's true!
fairytale dialogues.....
gals fall for this..
@keshi..
I dun think anyone can possibly love someone else MORE than they love themselves.
mother loves their baby more than anything...than her life..
dont u think so???
@ Keshi,
Just because a man loves you more than you love him, it does not really mean that it is in a suffocating manner. And vice versa.
Love and enmeshment do not really go hand in hand all the time.
@ Soham,
And how did you discover that you love her lesser than she loves you? I hope she does not read this statement!
@ Alok,
Yeah really..they already might have one online. Did you check?
@ Nirmal,
What is so fairy tale about it? Either a man loves you or he does not..right?
@Sneha
Well... not necessary true, sometimes its not necessary that you get that or rather most of the times!!!
and btw... we man do think the same, so what will happen if they both think the same... A War of Love!!!
I personally dont believe in this, love isnt necessary for the sign of happiness... wud rather go with, be with someone with whom u feel happy!!! :)
U r a Shrek, so u know how many times we run after the mirage... Love.. Utopia it is, some achieve it, most dont!!!
After 10 years of marriage someone someday realises that he doesnt love her anymore... 10 years back he married thinking that she loves her more than anyone, even him!!!
and he loved here too... Now with the situation changin and environmental factors playin a crucial role, that love has become a liability!!!
I always wondered hw ppl change, with times!!!
I would love to marry a girl who can be happy with me, and if i can be happy with her!!!
Love is something which is a feeling, not true everytime, would love to love and being loved, but this doesnt holds true for me...
and yet as a human i say, i will love her (whosoever now) more than i have loved anyone and i can love anyone... cant break the relationship ever for any damn reason!!!
I feel it... :)
****Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
and taking this into consideration, most men love u more than u love them... will u marry any of them???
Cheers!!!
@Keshi
**I dun think anyone can possibly love someone else MORE than they love themselves.
First time in ages i dont agree with you!!!
U love urself, no doubt, but more than anyone else u love, this is an over statement!!!
You cant kill you for you, but you can kill yourself for others!!!
:)
Cheers!!!
@ Ankur,
Let's get some facts straight.
I am NOT a "SHREK" and don't look like one either!
Secondly, yes...if everyone starts thinking that way, then there will be no marriages for there is no way to prove that one loves the other more.
"Swear on me" and "jump off the train for me" and all that is too filmy and dramatic!
If love is utopia..so is our quest for happiness. For some love=happiness and for others, a marriage without love is futile.
Yes, love after ten years may disappear but we cannot live in the future. In the present, would you marry someone who loves you more or would you marry someone you love but does not love you back?
And hello? Who are the men who love me more than I love them? Show me one at least and I will think about it!
umm...true :D
ok ok...
1) Ok... this is the first time u have said u rnt!!!
gussa kyon mujh par :(
but yeh dont look like one either kya tha... cant shrek's look beautiful and innocent!!! :D
2) agreed completely...
give me ur head too!!! :P
3) agreed complete
both are utopia, but happiness is still achieveable!!! i think... may be i m wrong, love becomes a mirage sometimes!!!
dont know yaar... for me both have become mirage for now!!!
so u r true!!! :D
dont i sound too confused on this!!! :P
but not always true that marriage without love is futile, most indian marriages happen in this way... isnt!!! :)
4) **In the present, would you marry someone who loves you more or would you marry someone you love but does not love you back?
but i never said that... i just say that her loving me is important, but more than i love her not necessarily!!
The one i used to love, loved me more than i love her... but again the outcome isnt marriage!!
So, we cant hold this true vica versa too!!!
5) **And hello? Who are the men who love me more than I love them? Show me one at least and I will think about it!
look around and u may find one!!! :)
Cheers!!!
Solitaire,
Bleh. Those are useless.
A few months, I'll provide you with real ones!
Do I hear cash registers? $$$$
Keshi,
"Cos I believe that it's an inherent human trait to love ourselves the most first."
I completely agree.
If you Love yourself truly, you are truly capable of Love outside of you.
And if someone loves you truly, he/she will let you be free.
Nirmal,
A mother Loves her child because it embodies her. Her emotions, her values, her own self. It is because the mother loves herself truly, that she loves her child truly. Because to her, the child is more important than anything else outside of her. So if she didn't Love herself, how would she love her child?
The bottom line is: Love is not an ethereal thing that it is taken to be. Love puts the self first.
When I say I Love something, it is the "I" that comes first.
In theory u may be looking at something very ideal.. but pray tell me how are u going to find out who loves the other more?
By the number of flowers he gives her? Or the number of gifts she gifts him? Or maybe the number of times one pays the bill?
No Sol.. I do not think its practical enuf.. maybe we shud just be happy if both love each other and not put a rating onto each one's love..
***Either a man loves you or he does not..***
this is wat happens in reality..
but a man shud love u more than him,
this is fairy tale lines..
or
a man shud love only me and not anyother gal..
u r asking 4 too much..hehehehe
***okay one thing is fixed , i will die single**
hehehe
hahahahahahahaha....
no comments...
let me sit back and watch the fun...
Nope I diont think so...Too much of anythin aint good...A balance, just the right amount, that's what is required..!
ah, just recently I wrote abt the similar stuff on my blog love vs logic
*Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
One cannot love someone else unless they love themself abv all
whats yru take on that eh?
definitely...as long as you also love him for him and just not because he loves ya...
it aint a competition...this love...
Isn't "love" the only thing important?? :D
if we really LOVE someone, we will never say someone else's love is greater than ours. We think we love/loved/will love more than anyone else can. Then how can we expect someone to love us more than we love them?
ok donno maybe all the girls whom i like should answer this,then i will answer :)
@ankur
"You cant kill you for you"
of course, you can, that's called suicide, when u want to save yourself from facing the world or for someother reason you'll suicide.
@keshi
Happy B'day
@soham
Hope she won't put the same thing in some other blog
@Aneesh
**of course, you can, that's called suicide
thanks for the enlightenment bhai!!! :P
have passed my graducation and PG too!!! :P
heheh
n btw... the point of emphasis is that it isnt tat easy... but for others u actually make an attempt sometimes!!! :)
not me though to clarify!!! :P
How can you gauge this?
Cant affection sometimes be mistaken as love?
And if any one of the partner is in this mode of more or less...then either they are sad feeling that he/she does not love me enough or the person who feels is loving more can once in a while get upset and blurt out - you dont love me enough do you?
Expectation to measure love is according to me anti-love. It more like a deal - It has to be felt, experienced, enjoyed till it lasts and sometimes even let go....
i totally agree.
in any r'ship, no two ppl can love each other equally.
and taking that as a given, i'd rather the man love me more :D
@ Nirmal,
Which man do you want to love you?
I will not. Definitely not. No matter how much he loves me. Why should I? Or rather how could I!
coz I love women.. and I would love to be in love and marry a woman who loves me more than I love her..
hey tat was a gals prespective..
heheheh
i believe in those lines
@ Nirmal,
Are you a girl trapped in a man's body?
i wud come back in detail on this, just caught up wid weird shifts :(
Bakwas .. said by someone who failed to understand relationship..
PS : No offence to anybody .. that my view on this statement...
I feel its a very selfish way of putting it coz i jus dont get it....u marry a person who loves u but then whts the point if u dont love him! He's in for a loss then, i feel whts essential is we shud marry a person who v cant live without...and with whom v dont realise the passing of time. :)
@ Ankur,
WHAT!? How and when did you start assuming I am a SHREK that I have to go around telling people that I am not one!
And no! Shreks don't look beautiful. They are ogres!
For number 4, who said that you said that question? I am asking you that question. Uffff!!
@ Ria,
It is a mere illusion that we CANNOT live without a person. It may be hard in the beginning but not impossible.
@ Nitin,
Accha then why don't you tell us the not bakwaas part for those who want to learn?
@ Urv,
ROFL!!
@ Aneesh,
I think it would be a nice thing to fight over who loves who more rather than who loves and who does not!
What say?
@ Vishesh,
Are all those girls here on Short and Sweet?
Ahem!
OY... one big technical mishtake... mujhe maaaf kar dena main tujhe Shrek kaha... meri angrezi bahut kamjor hai... mai hindi madhyam ka chatr hoon!!! :(
main kehna chahta tha, Shrink aur typo aur tech mishtake se ho gaya shrek...
is naadan ko maaf kar de yaaa!!! :(
is galti ke liye hum aapse karbadh ( dono haath jodkar) shama ki bhikhsha(bheekh) ki yachna karte hai!!! :(
Solitaire is a Shrink... !!! :)
plzzzzzzzzz
maaf kar dena ki maine aapko shrek kaha aur phir apni galti ko ek baar mai nahi pehchan paya!!! :(
and now i m sure i need a shrink!!! :-/
aur plzzz jor jor se hasna bhi mat mere par!!! :(
I thot ppl r intelligent :)
And u want to know my hard earned experience ( kitne chaapal aur sandal khayee ) for free :(
@ Nitin,
I do a lot of therapy for free.
Don't be selfish now.
Tell us.
/* I do a lot of therapy for free */
thanks for telling that.. do u have any visiting clinic in India ???
lagta hai sneha ko yakeen ho gaya hai ankur is an idiot!!! :(
isliye no reply!!! :(
koi maafi nahi!!! :(
Sorry, I am not that types... I'll still marry a woman :P
First of all, LOL @ the 'Shrek...ooops Shrink' comment from Ankur!!
And now to the main question,
well, if the choice is between marrying a man who loves you more than you love him versus marrying a man who does not love you as much as you love him, then I would much rather go with the first option. Who wants to be in a relationship when the opposite sex does not love you as much as you should be loved??
Honestly... I think it should be equal... I have had instances ... where the Guys have been head over heels for me... to a point where ..even family was pressurzing ... but If I cannot love him back the way he does... then its not fair for him. Besides I will unhappy too...
In the same way... If I love someone way too much more than he does... then ...it could be possible that the affection can be taken for granted...
It has to be mutual and equal ...
//Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
What do men and women have to say about this?
"What do men and women have to say about this?" as in "Log kya kahenge?"
Arrey pyar kiya toh darna kya!
@solitaire
Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
Yaani Sol khush.
Then go on increasing your love for him till it overtakes his love for you.
Yaani man bhi khush.
After that have an ever increasing lefelong neck to neck love contest. Dono bhi khush!
P.S: Oh wait why just neck to neck love competition.
You could involve other parts too ;)
@ ankur,
Sorry I was busy watching shrek to see wherein lies the similarity.
@ maverick,
So you don't mind it that your wife might not love you as much?
Ha Ha...
Yeah only Man can do it.. Vice versa will nvr b true
@ Prakhar,
Of course! Without love, the marriage may not be that great...
@ D,
Is that what you did?
@ Vrij,
I will find out through the love calculator that Alok is going to sell in a few months. Maybe that has a formula on how much weightage should be given to flowers and gifts and what-not.
BTW, why all this advice directed to me!? I did not say that statement! It is a piece of advice that mothers have been giving to their daughters since generations. If you don't believe me, look it up!
@ Iceman,
You cannot do that! Or are you still thinking about bras?
@ Preeti,
But how do you know that "more" is too much? Maybe your love could be too little, and hence his more could be just right!
I feel this whole notion of love is a bit too over-rated, you spend time someone , get use to them, start liking them the way they are.....and that's it!!!!
Marry someone who hates you :P
@ Princess,
This statement is not about loving yourself lesser or more than your partner..it is about the amount of love (for lack of a better word) that you have for each other.
Makes sense?
@ Humble,
Stupidosaur has some ideas on how to make it a competition, though!
@ Sam,
Is it? I know that people do have qualms about the amount of love.
"Look at so and so boyfriend. He loves her soo much. Why can't you love me that much?"
@ Aneesh,
Based on your statement, Soham does not love his wife because he thinks his wife loves him more than he loves her.
@ Ceedy,
you might wanna check this out.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/affection
Affection is synonymous with love. Considering that to be true, your first statement makes no sense because you cannot "mistake" affection for love as both are one and the same.
You say that we should enjoy love until it lasts. How can you gauge that love is gone? Or there is little love left? Is there a measure for that?
@ Rayshma,
Now that logic makes perfect sense!
ok firstly I think I read this qn wrong..lol sorry!
Sol asked this:
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
I was in a hurry yday and read it as
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love YOURSELF
So yeah, my apologies! I will ans the right qn shortly.
But first let me reply to some ppl's comments here that were addressed to me.
Nirmal, I know that MOTHERS love their childres MORE than they love themselves. But in this post, Sol isnt asking abt parents. She's asking abt PARTNERS. Hence that ans from me :)
Sol, to me it wud be suffocating. If there's no LOVE from my side, I'd really find it claustrophobic to be loved by a man that I dont LOVE! Wuts the point of being Married to someone that u dont LOVE?
ty Alok, I agree with u too. If we dun love ourselves fully first, we really cant love someone else. And it isnt abt being sselfish. It's abt appreciating urself before u appreciate others.
Ankur sorry I didnt u'stand wut u said :( plz elaborate. tnxx!
Aneesh hey tnxx HUGZ! :)
Keshi.
this song sums it all up...
Dil usey do, jo jaan de de
Jaan usey do, jo dil de de.
But that's all nice and romantic and hardly realistic.
I'd say don't try to measure it. Just know that the other person loves you, and you love them, and live happily ever after!
@ankur, yeh shrek kahaan se aaya???
ok here's my ans to the correct qn:
**Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
To me, a Marriage without LOVE is like a bird without wings. Wuts the point in being married to someone that u dont LOVE as much as he loves u?
Love is something that cannot be measured - it's just there. But if you feel that you don't LOVE him as much as he LOVES u, then there's certainly something not right there. There isn't LOVE there at all. Cos when it's been measured, it's not LOVE.
So wuts the point in being married like that? Just to hv a partner in life? Just to feel secure in life? I SAY NO.
So yeah, thats my ans :)
Keshi.
OMG this whole SHREK thing is so funny! Sneha, I'dve loved to see your face when you read that "this is the first time you're saying you're not one". ROFL :)
Ankur, Shrek movie dekhi hai kya?
Yes affection is synonymous to love but love (its meaning from the same source) then trancends to passionate desire and one can be affectionate to someone but not necessarily be in love with them...
and I do agree Love in any form more, less or lesser is not measurable as it is a feeling not a tangible entity......but then how do you explain break ups...where that desire to be with someone you were in love with is no longer there?
@ Ceedy,
We are not talking about "being in love" here nor are we talking about passionate desire (also known as lust). We are simply talking about love. And you can love your partner without being "in love" with them.
And I am sure that those who break up do not have a love-o-meter that they pull out before doing so. Moreover, not all breakups are due to the lack of love.
For more information about that last sentence, go watch Sex and the City.
@ Keshi,
But the question does not say that you do not love the guy..it simply says that the guy loves you more which implies that you do love the guy...just lesser than how he loves you. Would that be suffocating too? Do you think two people can love each other equally?
@ Aneri,
Yes, I was totally confused. I wondered why I would be SHREK of all the people!!! Moreover, he thinks SHREKS can be beautiful!
Gainda!
@ Aneri,
I know of a person like that.
She is very dependent on her husband, emotionally and otherwise. But she has no qualms or expectations. She is happy knowing that her husband loves her.
@ Rahul,
Now why on earth would I want to marry someone who hates me?
Do you think that two people who have simply gotten used to each other or even be tolerating each other without any love between them are happy?
@ Cm-Chap,
Are you sure? Soham here says he married someone who loves him more than he loves her.
@ Stupid,
How on earth are we supposed to keep increasing our love? Is there a tap that we can turn on and love pours out? And would the heart not burst? Or would I have to get rid of the love I have for other people before doing so?
@ Neeku,
At what point would you know its equal?
@ Carolinagal,
CORRECTO!
@ Apoo,
Suppose you were that type (this is all about hypothetical questions anyway), then what would you do?
@ Nitin,
None. You need to spend some $$ and come to the US!
Meanwhile, you still have not shared your experiences!
@ Alok,
I have already started promoting your product!
Even I am not talking about being in love or passionate desire or lust...all I am saying is that love is much more that being simply affectionate....but I guess its not relevant to this question.
And I did not really understand this "And you can love your partner without being "in love" with them."
And yes have watched and know that all break ups are not because of lack of love...you can leave someone whom you love and thats possible too.
@ Ceedy,
What about that statement do you not understand?
Do you think that everyone is "in love" with their partner? I beg to differ.
What is the difference between "in love" and "love"....
I am not arguing here...just did not understand the structure of the sentence....you wrote earlier.
I do agree with you....there are many relationships just there...not necessarily having love...it ones personal choice finally of what one wants....just a companion or someone really close...
I am still iffy about more or less love as I feel that it has to be felt from within to be shared and experienced....not something that has a certain expectation attached to it...but this again is personal...to each
@ Ceedy,
In my personal opinion, being in love would include a sexual longing and could also be refered to as infatuation in certain cases which may fade away. That does not necessarily mean that you have stopped loving the person or experiencing a strong emotional attachment to them.
Of course love has to be shared and experienced from within. But sometimes you just know that the love being expressed is more or less than what happens at your end. It could solely be the expression and not the feeling or maybe both.
Ok - got it....just to add...there can be sexual longing without love too..right?
And to you second part yes...what you say makes sense - so it can be both ways...in a relationship from time to time....so maybe I retract my statement that it should be "equal" cause maybe then it might get boring :)...thnx
Sol tnxx!
**it simply says that the guy loves you more which implies that you do love the guy...just lesser than how he loves you. Would that be suffocating too? Do you think two people can love each other equally?
can real LOVE be measured? I dun think so. What's MORE and whats LESS when it comes to LOVE? Love is just Love. It cannot be put on a scale and weighed.
Keshi.
@ keshi,
Apparenty it can be! People talk like that all the time!
Happy 100th!!! :D
@Aneri: yeh pata nahi kis avesh ke aveg mai beh gaya mai!!! :D
@Sneha: Gaindaa!!! :(
Sigh!!!!
Mammaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! :((((((
@Keshi
I made a typo of callin Sneha a Shrek instead of a Shrink!!!
It was more than typo coz i didnt realize what i wrote and then she asked me how come i am a Shrek.. so i said that u never said before that u rnt !!! :D
btw... Sneha is a cute beauitful intelligent Shrink!!! :D
I say.. forget less or love...
Make sure you love the person you marry...
:)
@ Ankur,
Bus bus..bahut maska ho gaya!
Sneha...
sachchi bata ki tune mujhe maaf kar diya na!!! :(
I thought I married a girl who loves me more than I love her !!
I asked her the same question and she said she thought she married a boy who loves her more than she loves him !!
So we both think the same way and we both love each other equally .. not an inch more - not an inch less ..
PERIOD
@ Soham,
So how many inches then?
understanding is more important than love..
Oh, I would just let the man decide then! :P
@ Apoo,
So would you be the woman in the relationship?
@ Rakesh,
So you want to remove love from the equation?
@ Ankur,
Haan baba kiya!
Gainda!
@ Rahul,
Absolutely right..
And make sure they love you too.
No point loving a drunken alcoholic bastard who sleep with another woman and comes home to beat you up right?
@ Ceedy,
Yes ceedy. Sexual longing can exist without love. I am sure that not everyone who fantasizes about having sex with Bipasha Basu love her!
Oh and Soham and his wife love each other equally now. Do you think its going to be boring for them?
heheh if i m a gal trapped in male body then i guess i must be termed as LESBIAN..
heheheh
@ceedy
love and in love..
jail and in jail....
hehehehe
Quantifing love is stupid!!
Exactly wut I said above! @Sam.
U cant measure LOVE. If u did, then it's not LOVE!
Keshi.
@Keshi
yes yes..
i need a girl..
i will pray!!!
hehehe
lolzzzzz
@Keshi
and i wont pull for it!!! :D
hehehe
@Keshi
and who will ask...
"Did ya come??"
:P :P
hehehe
@ Ankur,
You wrote your comments in the wrong post!
yes!!! :(
wait lemme correct!!! :D
@sol
And what would be the result of that fight?
no they aren't :) you are all elder to me na by what at least 4-5 years? Anuties :D
ROFL...
Sol,I'm curious-who are 'they',in this case? But,seriously,I don't think it matters..coz,as the relationship progesses,it's the level of trust that becomes prevalent,and,love continues to grow/reduce/remain,depending on the trust level!:)
Personally,I do wonder-would I appreciate a partner who was obsessed to the point of paranoia,a la,Pooja Bhatt in one of Mahesh Bhatt's movies? Probably not!
Refering to Sohams comment on Calm I think he will thrive in Equilibrium....and it definatly might not be boring for him and his wife!
sam said
Quantifing love is stupid!!
But this is one case where maths rule "If A is B then B is A" fails
Because even though
Quantifying love is Stupid,
Stupid is not Quantifying love.
(Sol is, through her question)
Stupid answered under the assumption that sol's assumption is true.
And if love quantifyable,
then before meeting her man, sol had 0 love for him.
Then the situation became
0 (less than) sol's love (less than) man's love.
And sol started wondering whether to marry him or not.
(I couldn't use the actual sign of (less than) cos stupid blogspot says its a HTML tag, not allowed)
So sol, if your love for him increased from zero to some non zero value, it means love can somehow increase. You are the best judge how to increase it.
And about the heart breaking part,
Think of your heart as a glass sphere, filled with love.
(Shisha ho ya dil ho....wala!)
Inside it is your love for your man and other people.
Outside it is other people's love for you.
Before meeting your man, the difference between your love for others and their love for you was kinda matched, except for slight differnce that could be tolerted by the strenght of your glass heart. So your heart was fine and things were in stable equilibrium.
Then love for him also grew in your heart, and this was balanced by his love for you. So heart still intact.
(Mind you, the difference between the love of two persons can only be as much as either of their heart's strenghts permits. If it exceeds, on of the hearts will break. So don't marry if you love the guy too less than he loves you ;) )
And as your loves for each other grow neck to neck (etc) they will balance each other out and no additional pressure will be there on the hearts.
Actually this is a very widely applicable theory.
If one person loves some person too much and its not reciprocated, one day the person's heart breaks and he/she comes running to sol for counselling
On the other hand, if one person has become cold and unloving, his heart too will break feeling all 'empty' and vaccum, cos outside of it, people still had normal 'love pressures' for the person.
Sol gets richer again!
And writing such insane thesis, I am soon going to need counselling.
Sol I'm coming!
lol Ankur wrong place for pulling n praying!
Keshi.
ummm...love has degrees? i didn't know that!
@ G-man,
Apparently, inches too!
@ Stupid,
Mind if I make this thesis like comment a post on Warm Fuzzies?
@ Amit,
Paranoia kaha se aa gaya?
@ Ceedy,
Soham is actually counting inches.
@ Vishesh,
Is it? Are you ten years old?
@ Aneesh,
Tears of happiness.....
Yeah go ahead but do attribute it, with maybe link to my blog.
Pichhle story ka alternative ending many people thought was yours. Not a big deal, but does kinda feel odd inside.
And maybe I'll also put it as a post. And link to this post for stating the 'source of inspiration' for the thesis.
hoping love is there :)
please read carefully i told understanding is more significant variable as compare to love..D
LOL...Sol,I said love to the point of paranoia..don't you remember that movie?She was willing to kill for her guy..:)
It’s just a thought to say. Without we love, how could that relation can be understood?
Marry a man who loves you more than you love him.
"so that you can love others more than you love him"
is dis a closed discussion, hope not.did read thru some of the comments & well..cldnt help typin n my views too. well...i second keshi & alok. i mean hw on earth do u luv som1 more tan u luv urself...de idea is sweet, a sweet illusion! only makes thngs very heroic , i ll die for you , i ll do dat 4 you & blah blah. but y is it dat v wnt 2 do dat sumthn 4 dat spec person. u don do it 4 evry tom dick or harry , u do it coz it makes you hAppy , u luv 2 luv , u lov to care , & by u i mean , u & me & yeah u & u too..
y is it dat love dies aftr som time ..if it really ws meant 4 de oter person , somthng purely selfless as u wld wnt 2 call , u did it just fade away aftr 10 yrs or 2 yrs , wldnt it stay , coz u knw de oter needs u .or when der r times dat u knw de oter doesnt need you , if luv is truly selfless , dat it wld stop being a bother 2 de reciever. but hw often does luv act dat way. v luv soley coz v NEED TO LOVE , in most cases , v hv no control on dat need of urs & when v find som1 whom v trust not 2 break our hearts , c again v look 4 our own safety , v fall n luv ..mayb u can cover up dis part & make it all fairy tailish , but the point is SELF LOVE IS THE FIRST & LAST LOVE. you may be willing to die 4 ur love , may u wld rather die 4 ur luv tan see his or her death or unhappiness...but y ..coz YOU cant bear the thought of thier pain. so basically its all coz of you or rather me. but i aint sayin ders anythn wrong wit dis . hw can u love if u don hv a self ..selfless luv is a myth !
btwn hw on earth do u knw who luvs who de most , i guess our kids wld hv 2 memorise yet another invention ...love calculator was invented by ...hugh einstein! lol!
or shld it hv been alok einstien uh
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